I write this with a heavy heart and my daughter’s permission.
A week ago we dropped my oldest daughter, Codi, off at college to begin the next chapter of her life (and ours too). I wrote about how hard it has been for my husband and how the excitement for her new opportunities and the sadness of not seeing her sweet face every day is bittersweet to say the least.
But this last week has been even harder as I watched my smart, gorgeous, funny, outgoing, easygoing, daughter get dropped from every single sorority (with the exception of one that she had no interest in) during rush. She was crushed and it broke my heart. The excitement of finding a house with a group of girls that she could bond with for the next four years was replaced with rejection and doubt of her self-worth. It was horrible for all of us. Just ask my personal trainer…….because I burst into tears during my workout with her and instead of telling me what weights to lift she was my shoulder to cry on.
Watching my kids suffer disappointment is probably one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do as a mom. Quite frankly, it totally sucks. I am my kids’ biggest fan and always will be so the desire to “shit bag” every last sorority house at her school and make phone calls as to why she was dropped from the one house in which she is a legacy, was something I really had to battle.
What mother doesn’t want their kid happy? What mother rejoices in seeing their kids disappointed in the name of growth and character building? I’ll tell you what, I’m not that mom. I’m not that mature and I’m not that objective. My claws come out when I feel my kids have been wronged and my heart hurts when they are hurting. It is only by the Grace of God that I don’t do something irrational in the name of protecting my babies.
But I did what I had to do. I gave her some truths (that served to remind me as well) and told her to pull up her bootstraps for the time being and feel the the pain of this life lesson:
- God might be protecting her from something or someone.
- God has a different plan for her that He has not revealed yet.
- God is teaching her that her self-worth is in Him and not in what sorority she gets into.
The hurt from being disappointed sucks. And for me, the mom, I have to work hard to not fix and rescue my kids from their growing pains (which I so want to do). I need to come along side them and empathize with them and encourage them to continue working toward their dreams with passion and excitement. That our self worth and value are not established in whether we win or lose or even how we “play the game” but in the fact that we are fearfully and wonderfully made for a purpose. God’s purpose. And as soon as we lose site of the fact that there is a divine plan, the more evident it will become that our self worth was tied to the hoped-for successes in our own plan.
My daughter is an incredibly strong young woman with loads of faith. (I get choked up just thinking about it.) I am so proud of her and her story is only just getting started. Her journey into finding out who she is and where she fits, in this big wide world, is slowly going to be revealed and it’s my cracked conclusion that even though her prayers weren’t answered in the way she had hoped, the blessings of tomorrow are sure to come.